Reflections of a Shattered Mind

Here there and Somewhere in Between

2010-11-02T00:54:00.005+08:00

Around X years ago, children were born to loving parents. In a hospital in Quezon City, doctors taking up their residency program are delivering a record number of babies. 10 minutes from now the next Hitler will be conceived a few minutes later, the next Ninoy Aquino. Seconds ago, a new dad could not help but cry as he held the hands of his precious angel for the first time.

Right now some a teenager is jumping for joy because his crush called him by his name, a few blocks away a girl is being comforted by her bff after finding out that she was being cheated on by her boyfriend. In some obscure town in the southern United States some rednecks are harassing a store owner of different color, right at the same time children are being traded across Asia and Eastern Europe. 10 days from now, a man will discover what it means to love after a year or two of heartbreak. Seconds ago, a guy discovers that his latest conquest was playing a “Crying Game” on him. More than a year ago, a man braved the cold waters of a mighty flood to save as much people as he could, in the end he was unable to save his own. An hour ago, a disillusioned writer tried to write again.

Two days ago a little girl passed- away due to lupus. About a week ago, somewhere across the pacific a woman shy of turning 75 died due to a rupture in her intestines. Somewhere in countless battlefields a soldier will breath his last after fighting a war not necessarily his own. In a dark alley in Manila someone is being hacked to death after a drunken quarrel with his long time friends. In a discreet clinic, the future doctor who would have discovered the cure for all types of cancer was aborted at the same time as several would-be-leaders who would have been able to accomplish world peace. In many parts of the world , a family is praying for a miracle that their son, daughter, brother, sister , husband, wife, parent would wake up and be healed.

Somewhere in between the fleeting moment of birth and death is life. This moment seems to short to spend it needlessly hating, not loving enough. I guess that at one point or another we tend to forget about how short life actually is...

I was born around 31 years ago to loving parents;

I will move from this life X years from now;

Somewhere in between I will live my life, hopefully to the fullest...

Hope pt iii

2010-10-23T12:06:00.004+08:00

I tried to write about hope, but only thought of despair.

In a world filled with so much hate

It just seems so pointless to see

Despair seems to be more inevitable

Despair seems to be more practical

Despair...

But Hope always seems to find its way

As hateful as this world may be

There is hope, there is always hope

The embracing warmth of the sun

After the cold drenching rain

The coolness of the rain

After the blighting heat of the sun

Despair may be inevitable

But the seeds of hope run deep

It hides itself within the confines of despair

Hope there is always hope

One Year...

2010-08-01T22:18:00.005+08:00

It's hard to believe that a year has passed since we lost our beloved Tita Cory.

Goes to show how fast time flies. Within that time span, a lot of things have happened;

A year ago, we had this lady sitting in Malacañang, driving this country to hell;

Today we have a President whose leadership allows us to hope again.

Our country had its first computerized elections, and I'm glad that I was proven wrong, it was successful

Ondoy and Pepeng showed how strong and awesomely heroic Pinoys can be.

A little lady became the epitome of "garapal"; as did her sons. (pwede din kup..)

As for me:

I joined this singing contest in school;

My heart was broken;

I lost my faith, only to find it again;

I cheered on my friends who took the bar;

I rejoiced with those who succeeded, wept with those who did not.

I can enumerate countless things, both good and bad. Point is though, a lot of things can happen, in a year,2...3...years.

A son can continue the legacy of his parents or destroy it;

Storms can shatter a country's spirit or further galvanize it;

A little lady and her family will redeem themselves or further establish their take-over of hell;

I finally reach the status of "guitar god'';

My law school friends and I set up a successful firm;

I finally find "the one"...

We can either choose to be hopeful or not.

I choose to be hopeful, Tita Cory's legacy taught me that hope shatters tyranny. That a shield of people armed only courage, can block armored juggernauts bent on destruction.

Tita Cory, please pray for your son, may he make you and his dad proud, may he never blemish your memory. Pray for us too, may we stand by him to protect him, may we have the strength to correct him when we have to.

(P.S. please say hi to my dad after his round of golf with Ninoy)

Gone too soon

2010-07-21T13:45:00.004+08:00

This morning, while doing my usual study-avoidance-ritual (Facebook...) I happened to come across a post that bothered me. A friend of my friend passed away, she was 35 weeks pregnant and the baby died too, she was only a year younger than me. I may not have known her, God knows that the only time I've encountered her was through that post, but it will be something that will stick to me none-the-less.

Our initial experiences with death will definitely not be our own, but rather through the death of someone else. Unfortunately, most of the time the ones who die are the ones we love...

I have to admit that there are times that I wish that it was someone else who died instead of the good people like Joey Velasco, Refdord White, my friend's friend...

Sana si dating FG na lang o yung isang anak niyang 'sikyu' daw... But I feel that sometimes, it's better that it is the good that die... This gives the bad an opportunity to seek redemption... Mr. Former FG this means you... You've been given countless times to seek redemption... don't piss it all away... (not unless you're planning to go to hell and take over the place...)

Reflections on faith...

2010-07-09T23:27:00.004+08:00

I have to admit, I have not been okay for the past several months. To say the very least, tons of things have been burdening me, so much so there were times that I had begun entertain the possibility of embracing atheism. But, ironically, this near slip into Godlessness helped me understand more things about faith.

One's faith experience does not necessarily mean that one oh so passionately declare that "God is so good all the time! He never abandons me, I've never felt abandoned!" (plastic...) If there is one person we should not be plastic to, it's to Him, He sees us behind all the masks we have learned to wear, He sees us for who we are. We owe nothing more to Him than to come to Him as we are.

In the past, I would have to admit that my prayers consisted of telling God how bitter I was towards the things He has given me. I still am as to certain things like the condition I am afflicted with that will eventually disfigure me... But through it all, I know that He has a plan for me, so despite all that bitterness I have, I still carry on. I still believe. And even if there are times abandoning my faith would seem like the best option, I refuse to, because even when the clouds of doubt arise in the horizon, there is Something greater beyond...

Random Reflections on love and remembereing..

2009-06-09T16:07:00.003+08:00

Memories are funny things, they have the power to trigger emotions you have bottled up inside... For the longest time, all I've felt for those who have broken my heart in the past were feelings of bitterness. Like my first heartbreak: I was around 6, I had this crush on our neighbor, I wrote my first Love letter... and got my first rejection from her... she liked my brother...

Right now I actually laugh at that moment but sometimes attribute my fear of rejection to that moment...

Like I said, memories are a funny, they can also be powerful...

For the longest time all I've been feeling for a certain person were feelings of bitterness and resentment. This girl broke my heart... For thge longest time, all I could remember was how she broke my heart, but time can heal... Why should I spend my life being bitter?

Right now, I am blessed with memories of the awesome times we had, even if my relationship with her only lasted 6 months...

Rick and Ilsa had Paris...

I have those 6 months...

(Thanks...You know who you are... :) )

Malapit na pasukan...... hehehe no time for these stuff once school starts

Crisis Earth....

2008-05-25T00:26:00.004+08:00

I recently gave up on my dream of owning my own car right now; mainLy because gas prices are ridiculously going up by the week. Imagine, a litter is worth around P 50.00, not a joke, considering that I remember once upon a time, yOu can get enough gas to last for a day or two for P20.00 (take into consideration that cars were less fuel efficient back then...) I would not be surprised if the price per litter shot up to 60 in the next month or so.

This problem is not isolated to the Philippines though, in fact the price of fuel is increasing globally. In fact, the price of fuel in the Philippines is still pretty cheap as compared to other countries.

This problem is not originally an economic problem... For me it can actually be rooted on two major problems.

The first of which is the more obvious one; it is an environmental problem. You can't deny that oil is becoming more scarce, and it is quite impossible for us to be able to replenish what we have already used within our lifetime. The scarcity of fuel can be traced to many things, but I believe you must connect it directly to the second problem: "Selfishness" ...

The second problem manifests itself in many ways.
This can be seen when people drive Gas Guzzlers, because they can afford it or they just do not care about the consequences of their actions...
This can be seen when big companies from dry out a limited resource, not thinking of the consequences in the future... Think about it, I am sure that these companies have always known that oil is a limited resource, and that they should have planned in the long run about the possibility of developing cleaner and a less limited source of energy....
____________________________________________________________________

The global fuel crisis is but the tip of the (pardon the cliche) iceberg... Unless we become more aware of the environmental problems we are facing right now; there will be no hope for people.

In the perspective of Cosmological time, we are actually killing our selves, not our planet, the passing of centuries will heal the planet, but once we are extinct...Well you get the picture...
Time to start caring...or as a very good friend of mine says... move to Mars...

(for CC,
you strengthened my passion to do what I can to save the Earth...)

Dude, where's my inspiration?

2008-04-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

I have to write a 35 page paper, and it is due in less than one month… Only God knows if I can finish the task. What makes it so hard is that it should be a thesis caliber paper; (it took me 1 year and one sem to write my thesis…)

But sooner or later I know that somehow, inspiration will hit me and the words will soon start to flow. These are the tines I envy those who effortlessly write stuff…that make sense.

I don’t know why, but for the past years, I have been lacking the inspiration I need to write; and the cliché “there is inspiration all around you” does not seem to help. So, by the looks of it, my goal to write a Palanca Award winning piece of literature before I hit 30 is going down the toilet.

But despite all that, I will continue to write; maybe one day I will find the inspiration to write, one day I will write an award winning modern-day-novel, but before that, I have to finish my paper.

Blooper Reel

2008-04-11T16:48:00.002+08:00

One of my favorite parts in a Pixar movie is where they show the out-takes. It's funny how the animators and writers create these moments where their characters commit these bloopers as if they were real.
I believe that people are so 'amused' by the mistakes of others that it becomes a source of laughter for a few months. Take for example the slaughtering of the song "Kiss Me" by a member of the Viva Hot Babes , or more recent Ms. Philippines episode. As funny as it is to see other people's mistake, we should be able to laugh at our own mistakes.

I remember back in prep, I was selected to run the hurdles during family day. The instruction was that when you reach the tire (which was the halfway point of the course), you must run around it and run back towards the starting line. I was leading by a huge margin, and would have won the race, had I actually followed instructions, instead I ran around in circles around the tire...

As funny as some mistakes may seem, there are those which are not laughing matters. Like how is it a condo unit was built in the middle of a rain forest or how the government failed to foresee the current rice shortage we are facing.

When the government commits certain mistakes, it will never be a laughing matter. These mistakes take the character of moral issues, since a lot of things are compromised. The sad part is, no one ever takes the blame. They always wash their hands and act as if they were more innocent than a new-born-baby.

At the end of the day, I would rather run around in circles again and again, than be those idiots in the government.

Everyone Else....(but me)

2008-02-23T00:05:00.002+08:00

Lately I have been going through what I would have to call the 'near-thirty-blues': a condition characterized by fear, considering the fact that in a few years time, my age will no longer be part of the calendar. It does not help that I am still a student and dependent on my family since I have no job. Years ago, I would not have imagined that my life would be like this now, since back then, I figured that I should be earning pretty well right now, that is not the case. I guess that it does not help that a lot of my peers and those younger than me are already going places and are on their way to becoming successful in their careers. (but do take note that I am extremely happy for my friends who are on going forward in their careers)
It's just that feeling that everyone else is going somewhere, but me.

Those who know me, know how stressed I get whenever the topic of doing well in life comes up. I guess because part of me believes that if I don't do well, I will be the only failure among my brothers and sisters since all of them are doing very well in their chosen fields. I also fear that I will end up as bum, forever dependent on my family.

Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just the fact that finals are a few weeks away and I am not that ready...

Love in the Time of Gloria

2008-02-13T02:02:00.000+08:00

The past few months have been a classic example of how a government can spiral downwards as a result of certain corrupt practices. Who would have thought that 3 letters from the English alphabet (ZTE) could spell trouble for the government?

As the inquiry goes on, we continue to witness arrogance at its best as some of our legislators waste precious time asking unnecessary questions one after the other, when such time can actually be used to determine important facts which will help the people understand the facts in a clear concise manner, such that they will be able to act rationally (in non-Edsa 3 manner).

It’s sad to see such things happen, it seems that a lot of our government officials have no love for this country; one could say that this day the statesman has seem to have vanished and has some how transformed into a very hungry capitalist pig.

Our country is in a very terrible mess, so much in fact that you can see how many people are moving away, saying that there is no hope for the Philippines. I do not agree with these people. I believe that as long as you have any amount of love for this country, you will stay…

Tomorrow, people will be celebrating Valentine’s Day, or “Single’s Awareness Day”. During this special day, a huge amount of flowers, chocolates, greeting cards etc. will be sent out; all for the sake of love.

Love is, as a friend of mine once wrote in my barkada’s logbook, “one of the most written-about-things in the world”. However, I do believe, that even if such was true, no one can ever write something so perfect as to really capture love in its entire beauty. Each of us have our own individual experience, but somehow, whenever we share these with other people, we manage to find a common ground. This tells us that love is both universal and personal.

In the end, I believe that love is what will redeem both our country and our souls. It is what makes us see hope for this country, it is what will give us the strength to love even without being loved in return. It is what makes suffering a million heartbreaks worth it…

When you love, you never lose, you always win…

Stuff

2008-02-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

We make a lot of promises, most of the time though we end up breaking them.
God knows how many promises I have broken. Most of the time though, I am sure that we never really mean to break such promises, it just happens.

In the long history of broken promises though, it's the promise to never break someones heart that will always be broken.
_____________________________________________________________________

This afternoon, I had an interesting talk with Bboy regarding a few things happening in my life, interestingly, he was able to answer a few of the questions that have been nagging me for the past few weeks.

One of the things he told me was that to promise never to break someone's heart is one promise that you should never give, because no matter what happens, there is a big chance that you will break someones heart. (take note that this is not necessarily what has been bothering me for the past few weeks) But he told me that should not matter, since what you do after breaking someone's heart is what should matter....

So I guess this is what I should say instead...
"I can't promise never to break your heart, but if ever I do, I will do everything I can to mend it, even if I would have to give you pieces of my own....."

(all that mush, I guess since valentines is just around the corner..... argh, single-blues.....)

For Dad...

2007-12-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

December 12....

For many people it's just another ordinary day.

For me, December 12 is my Dad's birthday.

We celebrated the day by going to the 700 am mass at Magallanes and visiting his crypt, afterwards we had breakfast at a nearby Pancake House, for dinner we ate at Kamameshi House (one of his all time favorite places; he was still alive when we last ate there) .

Funny thing is, we ate at the same table area my family always ate at, it seems as if we have made a permanent reservation on that particular area. As much as I enjoyed the food, it was not complete, because Dad was not there, physically at least.

I guess that we still celebrate Dad's birth because we still miss him and believe strongly that even if he is no longer with us physically, he is with us in spirit. The very memory of the love my dad had for my whole family continues to inspire all of us, and in a way makes us all miss him.

I guess such applies to all those who have ever lost a loved one.

We try to replicate expericnes we had with them when they were still here, only to have a semblance of the actual experiences. Be that as it may, we still continue to do such things because we know that we need ways to connect to the past experiences we had with them. Arriving at a semblance of the experinces of past should never be looked at as a failure, because such reminders, no matter how small are still aspects of those people. And every little bit counts...

In God's Time?

2007-11-23T23:46:00.000+08:00

I guess that it is safe to assume that a lot of us pray for something we want or need. However, I am sure that there are times that we feel that God does not seem to answer our prayers. Prayers that we have been repeating over and over, some prayers go on for years without being 'answered'. This often leads us to question whether or not God is really on our side or maybe even question his very existence.

I somehow recall a song my parents would sing in their prayer meetings which says that "He makes all things beautiful in His time." But, what exactly is God's time? Can we, as humans, actually perceive God's time which is actually theoretically timeless?

We must also look at whether or not God really answers prayers. A lot of cliche answers rush to my head in response to such a question, answers which can immediately be deconstructed by seemingly more convincing ideas. For example, the most famous of all answers, "God has a reason for everything." Which can ea silly be shattered by seeing all the human suffering there is in the world.

II.

However, we must have a more mature understanding of what prayer really is to be able to unlock what God's time is.

In my own experience I have come to learn that prayer is not necessarily answerable by a yes or no. Prayer can also lead you to discover God's plan for you. Indeed He will make all things beautiful in His time. Amazingly, His plans seem to be better than your own plans for your self. In fact he gives you more than what you pray for, all you need to learn is to be patient...

I have learned that the answers to my prayers lie within my my friends both old and new, and my family....

III.

And how about all the suffering in this world crap? Look at the mirror closest to you, part of the answer is there...

Friendship

2007-10-20T10:59:00.000+08:00

“Ang galling talaga ni Lord, he leads us to people whom we have to meet.”

A few a days ago, a friend of mine made the statement quoted above, it may not be her exact words, but the message is more or less intact. I may not have told her, until now, given she reads this post, that it got me to think about the people whom I have in my life.

Her statement somehow connects to something my dad always told me:

“All things happen for a reason, believe in His plan for you, eventually, all things will fall into place.”

His plan for us, whenever I hear these particular words, I often have images of achieving my dreams, getting the things that I want and need.

However, I sometimes forget the important people in my life, those who were always there for me, those who made life more enjoyable. Right now, I cannot imagine how it would be like without them In the end, I know now that you can never really truly achieve your dreams without the important people in your life to share it with.

As an aftermath of the Glorietta explosion:

Yesterday’s events reminded me how uncertain life is, especially after reading about the two ladies who were killed right after getting out of their cab. I can only imagine how it would be like had those two been people who were important to me…

For the people I have in my life right now, I am truly thankful.

To those whom I have hurt I am sorry, I promise you I will learn to better...

Despite of all my negatives…I thank you for being who you are to me…

Repost this or Else.....

2007-09-16T14:01:00.000+08:00

How often have you come across a post that instructs you to re-post it within a certain number of hours, failure to do so will result to terrible luck for so many number of years? How often have you found yourself believing the post?

To be honest, I have done my share of re-posting such messages, not because of the warning, but rather the reward that comes with posting it. Imagine, just by re-posting this message, the girl of my dreams will finally fall for me too! Realistically speaking, you can classify this as a vain hope or expectancy.

I would have to admit that part of me wishes that the posts would actually have some sort of magic, that would somehow make the promises the Posts make come true. But another part of me somehow knows that life does not work that way; the way things happen in life is actually better.

In a way, the act of re-posting such can at times reflect our own fear of living, we re-post because we feel that we are inadequate to be able to accomplish things with the skills we possess.

(The the sceptic would argue that the same goes with prayer, but I beg to disagree, the act of prayer is a liberating act, the act of re-posting enslaves.)

In the end,it is not the act of re-posting that makes us get what we want or need. There can be no rational explanation to connect the two. There can be no rational explanation as to how breaking the cahin can kill the people whom you love or bring you years of bad luck.

In the end, you simply must live, and roll with all the punches life throws at you...

Bobong JP

2007-09-09T11:22:00.000+08:00

Right now, I am just running on two cans of Bacchus Energy drink and around 6 pieces of Ciello's Mini Donuts, my body may be active, but my mind is a wreck.
I know this because:

1. Ateneo-La Salle later, but I do not seem to care...
2. I am not too sure if I speled bobo curect...
3. I am starting to hallucinate.
4. uhhhh...uhhhhhh....uhhhhh

All this from serving as Hotel-ops for around 20 hours. But, is all this worth it? I would have to say yes. Our Barristers go through a lot, and I believe that we should help them as much as possible.

Hopefully one day we(me and the many people in my head) would be lucky enough to be an Arellano Barrister, and hopefully make sir Bubut poorer by around 1 million.

Animo La Salle!(beat Ateneo!)
Hail to the Chief !
(Animo Arellano Barristers!)

Bobong J-lo signing offfffffffffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

First Time

2007-09-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

I finally understand the exhilaration musicians get whenever they perform on stage, last Friday I got to play rhythm guitar for a friend of mine in a singing contest. You cannot imagine how tense I was days before the performance, during practice I kept on forgetting the chords of the song, or I would get lost in some points of transition. Thankfully though, we played quite well.

My first “gig” if you can call it that; finds its origin in a promise I made to Fred, who asked me if I would play for him should he join the said contest, I said “sure, why not”. I never actually thought he would join, but a promise is a promise.

When I said yes, I actually had several other reasons why I said yes, standard reasons being anything for a friend, (being connected to the earlier a promise is a promise), aside from these and others I will not mention.

In the past I have always found reasons to escape the chance to perform on stage. I have always also found the excuse not to practice playing the guitar. To be honest, I have always set aside practicing the guitar, because I was always afraid that I would never reach the level of playing I aspire to reach: The very fear of never reaching your dreams cliché.

I am glad that I did not attempt to escape from this performance, because aside from having fun, it made me develop a deeper love for performing music. I hope that my first time will not be the last…

Rock on!

Hangovers.....

2007-08-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

Since we had no Property today, Garry,Ia,Vince and I decided to go to Malate last night to celebrate the fact that Midterms are almost over. To celebrate, we did probably one thing most law students love doing, drinking and having a blast.

I also finally had the chance to indulge in the one think I have been craving for these past months, smoke a fine cigar, while downing a beer. Yup, I may not smoke cigarettes but I love cigars, makes me feel like a mafioso. Aside from increasing my chances of getting cancer (liver or lung...) I had fun sharing jokes, hearing and sharing some revelations (I blame the alcohol).

I just love moments where I do not have to think about my studies, such moments when the stress that I face each day at school, seems to melt away. This happens whenever I have the chance to unwind with friends, be it in a bar or coffee house or mall, or nice family get togethers be it over dinner or on the occasions when we watch a movie together.

As I return to reality, I can only hope that one day, all that stress will payoff...

(I have this nagging hangover now, but I do not care...it is but a small price to pay for having a great time... just like the caffiene crash you get after a nice cup of coffee over a great conversation...)

A Question of Time

2007-08-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

Being the geek that I am(although some people insist on using nerd....) I enjoy reading about new discoveries in the field of science , most especially in the fields of technology and Physics. Just a few minutes ago i read an article on the possibility of time travel and how they could possibly achieve it with a new theory. I will not elaborate on the theory nor on the actual possibility of time travel.

One thing I would like to focus on right now, given that time travel is possible, what would you do with such technology? Would you use it to alter moments in your life? Would you visit moments in history to witness such events first hand?

If you ask me, right now I am tempted to go back in time and change several things in my life; for one I would go back in time to a point wherein my Dad's cancer could be treated, so that he would still be physically present in my life right now.
I would also go back in time to take the risks I did not take, like taking the chance of fighting for a relationship that I gave up too early on.
I would also go back in time to take the time to be with my lola, who in the last years of her life I at times took for granted.
I would also like to travel into the future and hopefully find a cure for the 'disorder' that I suffer from(I will write about it sometime...)

There are more things that I would like to change in my life. But I know that my life right now is what it is, and I will have to learn to accept that these past experiences were in lessons that I will have to learn from... I may know these lessons cognitively, but if only I can accept them affectively...

Falling into Insanity, and Getting back Up

2007-08-16T19:22:00.000+08:00

Ah yes, in just a few days it will be midterms week. I continue to ask myself, where the hell did the term go? We are already halfway through? (Hmmm, that is just the GP version of what goes through my mind.)

Yes indeed, midterm exams can be a perfect way to be kicked in the... making you realize that time flies by so fast.

A few days ago, I entered into what I call pre-midterm week blues, right now I am slowly entering into a state of dementia, further fueled by my daily dose of caffeine from coffee plus a dose of Red Bull.

In a few days time, if you would happen to see me, do not run away in fear if I look like someone from 28 Days/Weeks Later...That is what midterm exams do to me.

(Aside from my body building up an immunity to Red Bull..)

On a little serious note, I just found out that my uncle died of a stroke just last night. I was not exactly close to him, but for the few times that I did get to talk to Tito Bilog, such were very funny moments. He was kind, and was definitely a good person, he loved landscaping. I bring this up because I realized, time does go by so fast, and we never know when our time here ends.

In the midst of all the panic that midterms, work and yes, life brings, may we all learn to live.

Take care, God Bless!

2007-08-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

A story i once read; this is the way i remember it.

There was once a mystic who was known for his amazing ability to fast for days. In the heavens shown a bright star as a sign of God's approval.

One day, he decided to go on a pilgrimage, a little girl asked him if she could accompany him, he told her that she could accompany him. The path to the pilgrimage site was extremely difficult, and soon the little girl was obviuosly thirsty, however she would refuse to drink whenever the mystic would ask her to do so. Soon enough, the girl was extremely dehydrated; the mystic pleaded for her to drink, she said she would, but only if the mystic would take a drink himself. As difficult as it was for him to break his fast, he decided to drink so that the little girl would do so too.

For almost the rest of the journey, he could not bare to look up into the sky, fearing that the star would no longer be there; however, when he did, he was surprised to see two stars,where there was once one...

Love in the time of Death (revised)

2007-08-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

I may joke about it often; about me dying, often in the form of a question: “Iiyak ka ba kung namatay ako?” But with all honesty, I am afraid of dying. The fear, I have come to realize, is somewhat rooted on the uncertainty that surrounds death. The afterlife is something that seems too grand to be a reality if you look at it from certain perspectives: truth be told, the most logical thing to conclude is that when we die, that is the end of the story…

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Liver Cancer on April 16, 2001, he died May 31, 2001, a month and a half after. Prior to the month and a half before his death, I do not remember any instance where my dad showed any fear of death.

Now that I think about it, he was able to find courage to face death with the help of my of my mom. He got through the pain of cancer the dread of death, because I know that my mom's love for my dad gave him the strength to endure all the pain.

As of now, I may not be as lucky as my dad was, as to have experienced such love in his life here; but I do know that one day I may experience such.

In the end it is love that has the power to defeat death, though not in a physical level, but in a metaphysical one. True Love transcends; that is the very power of love, most especially in the time of death; it has the power to transcend it, it has the power to destroy the dread that death brings, it has the power to give hope, it has the power to make you realize that the spirit carries on.

In a world that tells us that love is not enough, that to be great we have to accomplish so many things; my answer is that realize that in the end, in our own moments of dying, the true measure of all things is how much we have loved, and we find strength in the people who love us...

I know that now, and one day I hope to feel it too…

Sakit...

2007-08-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

After receiving the text from Darwin that classes were suspended; I immediately went home and spent almost the entire day sick in bed. Aside from trying to beat the top score in Text Twist (game in my palm Tungsten...) the only way I could possibly keep my mind of the pain was to sleep, I was able to do the latter, but unfortunately I am still trying to do the former.

I was only able to read my assignment for Property around 800, up to 1130. (Either the Advil is working, I am well, or maybe both).

I remember that as a kid, I enjoyed getting sick since it meant that I did not have to go to school, and that I could eat anything I wanted; one of the things I would always request was a take-home order of Kamameshi Chicken Rice,Tofu and Quail eggs; or Ma Mun Lok Mami, Siopao and Siomai. At that time, I was oblivious of the pain that flu brings.

However, right now, I wonder why I ever enjoyed getting sick. In fact, I hate getting sick...

I guess that as kids, we had to face less consequences whenever we would miss a few days due to illness; however as adults, we tend to face heavier consequences that result from sick days.

How I wish I had Wolverine's power...

Well, to be more realistic, I hope that I stay healthy for at least 3 weeks; midterms na...

Aral ka pa...

2007-08-06T21:42:00.000+08:00

Words that came from my teacher in Criminal Procedure just this evening, after handing me my my prelim exam with a grade of 73 :(... Yup I failed, and failing sucks bigtime, and this was an exam i thought I would pass, I can only imagine what I would get in the exams I was not too confdent about.

This sucks, I am such a choker, when it comes to things that will really prove my worth, I always bomb big time...

Well, may midterms pa naman...(and finals...)

Wait and see...

I would rather not think about it

2007-07-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

For the past two weeks or so, I have been buying 'chicken skin' chicharon from a man who sells them beside Nirvana(Taft corner Buendia). I would have to admit that P10 for each brown bag is quite a steal for what you get... Chicken skin chicharon (read this in a Homer Simpson-like-fashion...)

But, you would have to wonder...Where do they get all those chicken skins which they sell day in day out. This question would probably lead to Urban myths in the likes of the source of Scott Burger patties or Ma Mun Lok siopao...(gawa sa p^$@....kasi bihira kang makakakita ng ganon na gumagala sa paligid ng Scott o Ma Mun Lok)

But you know what, as the title of this post says, I would rather not think about it, masarap kasi eh. Eh ano ngayon kung 'di talaga balat ng manok 'yon.? :P

Family Fun

2007-07-30T00:44:00.000+08:00

I just came from my Tito and Tita's Golden wedding anniversary; and it was fun!

It has been quite awhile since the Ledesma clan got together for such an occasion. Like most celebrations, there was an over abundance of food and booze. (I did not take advantage of the latter; I did not want my family to see me drunk, hehe.)

Funny thing though, even if I was not drunk, I somehow ended up at the dance floor, and TRIED to dance. It was a pathetic attempt, considering my mom is an excellent dancer(she might even compete next year!).

How terrible am I at dancing? If you see my mom dance and then watch me attempt to dance, you would probably ask me if I was adopted, actually, remove probably.

A funny thing also happened during the party, Tito Bo (a family-friend) told me that news around Ledesco (company of my Tito Baby) was that I was already a lawyer.

That is added pressure on my part...

Resolution for next Ledesma event(my cousin's wedding next year):

1. I should dance at a more respectable level.

2. Practice my laugh for times people call me "Attorney".

3. Have the same amount of fun... (if not more!)

Ducati Dreams

2007-07-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

Once in awhile, I can still picture myself arriving in school riding a Ducati 999, in full-cool-biker- gear. Before parking I would rev the engine a few times, just to announce my presence.

I can still picture myself out-gunning rice-boy drag racers who spent all of their parents' hard earned money tuning their cars. But the one thing I still picture in my head is the intoxicating high that speed brings. Riding on a bike will give me that freedom, because if I crash my bike, there are less chances of hurting anyone; there is a sense of freedom, not having to care for the safety of any passenger with you. Freedom and speed, the beauty inherent in Sportbikes.

Two summers ago, I attempted to ride a Honda....Wave, a scooter. After a few revs i let go of the brakes(while the bike was in full throttle...) As you would expect, I got into an accident. I almost crashed into an electric post without a helmet, luckily I was able to make the bike skid; I walked out of that accident with a few wounds. And I had to pay for the bike.

I wonder whether or not I should still try to fulfill my Ducati dreams; should I consider that accident as a minor setback? Or is it a sign that motorcycles are not for me.

Well, if I do get to buy my Ducati 999 and should crash and....
One thing you can find solace in is that at least I did so doing something that made me feel free.

Animo La Salle!

2007-07-26T09:01:00.000+08:00

Ateneo-La Salle today......(But unfortunately I have to attend my classes...grrr)

Animo La Salle!

Uploading lessons

2007-07-25T23:03:00.000+08:00

You know what I mean, before going home from school, a few of your friends ask you what you plan to do when you get home, you answer with the standard "Aral pare...".

I doubt that you do so when you get home(speaking from experience).

Hehehe

How I wish we were like computers, all you have to do to study is to upload your lessons with a few clicks....

But for now, I will have to do it the hard way.

Bukas na lang ako aaral sa lib, para aircon...

Lost and Found

2007-07-22T20:38:00.000+08:00

I remember that I used to love writing a lot; For me, doing so was an effortless process, but unfortunately, for some reason I quit writing because nothing inspired me anymore.

A friend mind told me that I should just right and right; even in the absence of inspiration. Thanks to that suggestion, I realized that to just write and write, allows you to discover that deep within the very fiber of your being, lies the many reasons that inspire you to write.

There are things such as fears,hopes and dreams. There are stories of loss,sadness,love,friendship,redemption,and happiness. These are but the most basic of human emotions and experiences. These are the very things that probably inspired the greatest of writers.

I know that I have lost the ability to write the way I used to, but little by little, I have begun to once again recognize that the things which should inspire you; are the things that mean a lot to you.