For Dad...

December 12....

For many people it's just another ordinary day.

For me, December 12 is my Dad's birthday.

We celebrated the day by going to the 700 am mass at Magallanes and visiting his crypt, afterwards we had breakfast at a nearby Pancake House, for dinner we ate at Kamameshi House (one of his all time favorite places; he was still alive when we last ate there) .

Funny thing is, we ate at the same table area my family always ate at, it seems as if we have made a permanent reservation on that particular area. As much as I enjoyed the food, it was not complete, because Dad was not there, physically at least.

I guess that we still celebrate Dad's birth because we still miss him and believe strongly that even if he is no longer with us physically, he is with us in spirit. The very memory of the love my dad had for my whole family continues to inspire all of us, and in a way makes us all miss him.

I guess such applies to all those who have ever lost a loved one.

We try to replicate expericnes we had with them when they were still here, only to have a semblance of the actual experiences. Be that as it may, we still continue to do such things because we know that we need ways to connect to the past experiences we had with them. Arriving at a semblance of the experinces of past should never be looked at as a failure, because such reminders, no matter how small are still aspects of those people. And every little bit counts...

In God's Time?

I.

I guess that it is safe to assume that a lot of us pray for something we want or need. However, I am sure that there are times that we feel that God does not seem to answer our prayers. Prayers that we have been repeating over and over, some prayers go on for years without being 'answered'. This often leads us to question whether or not God is really on our side or maybe even question his very existence.

I somehow recall a song my parents would sing in their prayer meetings which says that "He makes all things beautiful in His time." But, what exactly is God's time? Can we, as humans, actually perceive God's time which is actually theoretically timeless?

We must also look at whether or not God really answers prayers. A lot of cliche answers rush to my head in response to such a question, answers which can immediately be deconstructed by seemingly more convincing ideas. For example, the most famous of all answers, "God has a reason for everything." Which can ea silly be shattered by seeing all the human suffering there is in the world.

II.

However, we must have a more mature understanding of what prayer really is to be able to unlock what God's time is.

In my own experience I have come to learn that prayer is not necessarily answerable by a yes or no. Prayer can also lead you to discover God's plan for you. Indeed He will make all things beautiful in His time. Amazingly, His plans seem to be better than your own plans for your self. In fact he gives you more than what you pray for, all you need to learn is to be patient...

I have learned that the answers to my prayers lie within my my friends both old and new, and my family....

III.

And how about all the suffering in this world crap? Look at the mirror closest to you, part of the answer is there...

Friendship

“Ang galling talaga ni Lord, he leads us to people whom we have to meet.”

A few a days ago, a friend of mine made the statement quoted above, it may not be her exact words, but the message is more or less intact. I may not have told her, until now, given she reads this post, that it got me to think about the people whom I have in my life.

Her statement somehow connects to something my dad always told me:

“All things happen for a reason, believe in His plan for you, eventually, all things will fall into place.”

His plan for us, whenever I hear these particular words, I often have images of achieving my dreams, getting the things that I want and need.

However, I sometimes forget the important people in my life, those who were always there for me, those who made life more enjoyable. Right now, I cannot imagine how it would be like without them In the end, I know now that you can never really truly achieve your dreams without the important people in your life to share it with.

As an aftermath of the Glorietta explosion:

Yesterday’s events reminded me how uncertain life is, especially after reading about the two ladies who were killed right after getting out of their cab. I can only imagine how it would be like had those two been people who were important to me…

For the people I have in my life right now, I am truly thankful.

To those whom I have hurt I am sorry, I promise you I will learn to better...

Despite of all my negatives…I thank you for being who you are to me…

Repost this or Else.....

How often have you come across a post that instructs you to re-post it within a certain number of hours, failure to do so will result to terrible luck for so many number of years? How often have you found yourself believing the post?

To be honest, I have done my share of re-posting such messages, not because of the warning, but rather the reward that comes with posting it. Imagine, just by re-posting this message, the girl of my dreams will finally fall for me too! Realistically speaking, you can classify this as a vain hope or expectancy.

I would have to admit that part of me wishes that the posts would actually have some sort of magic, that would somehow make the promises the Posts make come true. But another part of me somehow knows that life does not work that way; the way things happen in life is actually better.

In a way, the act of re-posting such can at times reflect our own fear of living, we re-post because we feel that we are inadequate to be able to accomplish things with the skills we possess.

(The the sceptic would argue that the same goes with prayer, but I beg to disagree, the act of prayer is a liberating act, the act of re-posting enslaves.)

In the end,it is not the act of re-posting that makes us get what we want or need. There can be no rational explanation to connect the two. There can be no rational explanation as to how breaking the cahin can kill the people whom you love or bring you years of bad luck.

In the end, you simply must live, and roll with all the punches life throws at you...

Bobong JP

Right now, I am just running on two cans of Bacchus Energy drink and around 6 pieces of Ciello's Mini Donuts, my body may be active, but my mind is a wreck.
I know this because:

1. Ateneo-La Salle later, but I do not seem to care...
2. I am not too sure if I speled bobo curect...
3. I am starting to hallucinate.
4. uhhhh...uhhhhhh....uhhhhh

All this from serving as Hotel-ops for around 20 hours. But, is all this worth it? I would have to say yes. Our Barristers go through a lot, and I believe that we should help them as much as possible.

Hopefully one day we(me and the many people in my head) would be lucky enough to be an Arellano Barrister, and hopefully make sir Bubut poorer by around 1 million.

Animo La Salle!(beat Ateneo!)
Hail to the Chief !
(Animo Arellano Barristers!)

Bobong J-lo signing offfffffffffffffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

First Time

I finally understand the exhilaration musicians get whenever they perform on stage, last Friday I got to play rhythm guitar for a friend of mine in a singing contest. You cannot imagine how tense I was days before the performance, during practice I kept on forgetting the chords of the song, or I would get lost in some points of transition. Thankfully though, we played quite well.

My first “gig” if you can call it that; finds its origin in a promise I made to Fred, who asked me if I would play for him should he join the said contest, I said “sure, why not”. I never actually thought he would join, but a promise is a promise.

When I said yes, I actually had several other reasons why I said yes, standard reasons being anything for a friend, (being connected to the earlier a promise is a promise), aside from these and others I will not mention.

In the past I have always found reasons to escape the chance to perform on stage. I have always also found the excuse not to practice playing the guitar. To be honest, I have always set aside practicing the guitar, because I was always afraid that I would never reach the level of playing I aspire to reach: The very fear of never reaching your dreams cliché.

I am glad that I did not attempt to escape from this performance, because aside from having fun, it made me develop a deeper love for performing music. I hope that my first time will not be the last…

Rock on!

Hangovers.....

Since we had no Property today, Garry,Ia,Vince and I decided to go to Malate last night to celebrate the fact that Midterms are almost over. To celebrate, we did probably one thing most law students love doing, drinking and having a blast.

I also finally had the chance to indulge in the one think I have been craving for these past months, smoke a fine cigar, while downing a beer. Yup, I may not smoke cigarettes but I love cigars, makes me feel like a mafioso. Aside from increasing my chances of getting cancer (liver or lung...) I had fun sharing jokes, hearing and sharing some revelations (I blame the alcohol).

I just love moments where I do not have to think about my studies, such moments when the stress that I face each day at school, seems to melt away. This happens whenever I have the chance to unwind with friends, be it in a bar or coffee house or mall, or nice family get togethers be it over dinner or on the occasions when we watch a movie together.

As I return to reality, I can only hope that one day, all that stress will payoff...

(I have this nagging hangover now, but I do not care...it is but a small price to pay for having a great time... just like the caffiene crash you get after a nice cup of coffee over a great conversation...)

A Question of Time

Being the geek that I am(although some people insist on using nerd....) I enjoy reading about new discoveries in the field of science , most especially in the fields of technology and Physics. Just a few minutes ago i read an article on the possibility of time travel and how they could possibly achieve it with a new theory. I will not elaborate on the theory nor on the actual possibility of time travel.


One thing I would like to focus on right now, given that time travel is possible, what would you do with such technology? Would you use it to alter moments in your life? Would you visit moments in history to witness such events first hand?

If you ask me, right now I am tempted to go back in time and change several things in my life; for one I would go back in time to a point wherein my Dad's cancer could be treated, so that he would still be physically present in my life right now.
I would also go back in time to take the risks I did not take, like taking the chance of fighting for a relationship that I gave up too early on.
I would also go back in time to take the time to be with my lola, who in the last years of her life I at times took for granted.
I would also like to travel into the future and hopefully find a cure for the 'disorder' that I suffer from(I will write about it sometime...)

There are more things that I would like to change in my life. But I know that my life right now is what it is, and I will have to learn to accept that these past experiences were in lessons that I will have to learn from... I may know these lessons cognitively, but if only I can accept them affectively...

Falling into Insanity, and Getting back Up

Ah yes, in just a few days it will be midterms week. I continue to ask myself, where the hell did the term go? We are already halfway through? (Hmmm, that is just the GP version of what goes through my mind.)

Yes indeed, midterm exams can be a perfect way to be kicked in the... making you realize that time flies by so fast.

A few days ago, I entered into what I call pre-midterm week blues, right now I am slowly entering into a state of dementia, further fueled by my daily dose of caffeine from coffee plus a dose of Red Bull.

In a few days time, if you would happen to see me, do not run away in fear if I look like someone from 28 Days/Weeks Later...That is what midterm exams do to me.

(Aside from my body building up an immunity to Red Bull..)

On a little serious note, I just found out that my uncle died of a stroke just last night. I was not exactly close to him, but for the few times that I did get to talk to Tito Bilog, such were very funny moments. He was kind, and was definitely a good person, he loved landscaping. I bring this up because I realized, time does go by so fast, and we never know when our time here ends.

In the midst of all the panic that midterms, work and yes, life brings, may we all learn to live.

Take care, God Bless!

A story i once read; this is the way i remember it.

There was once a mystic who was known for his amazing ability to fast for days. In the heavens shown a bright star as a sign of God's approval.

One day, he decided to go on a pilgrimage, a little girl asked him if she could accompany him, he told her that she could accompany him. The path to the pilgrimage site was extremely difficult, and soon the little girl was obviuosly thirsty, however she would refuse to drink whenever the mystic would ask her to do so. Soon enough, the girl was extremely dehydrated; the mystic pleaded for her to drink, she said she would, but only if the mystic would take a drink himself. As difficult as it was for him to break his fast, he decided to drink so that the little girl would do so too.

For almost the rest of the journey, he could not bare to look up into the sky, fearing that the star would no longer be there; however, when he did, he was surprised to see two stars,where there was once one...

Love in the time of Death (revised)

I may joke about it often; about me dying, often in the form of a question: “Iiyak ka ba kung namatay ako?” But with all honesty, I am afraid of dying. The fear, I have come to realize, is somewhat rooted on the uncertainty that surrounds death. The afterlife is something that seems too grand to be a reality if you look at it from certain perspectives: truth be told, the most logical thing to conclude is that when we die, that is the end of the story…

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Liver Cancer on April 16, 2001, he died May 31, 2001, a month and a half after. Prior to the month and a half before his death, I do not remember any instance where my dad showed any fear of death.

Now that I think about it, he was able to find courage to face death with the help of my of my mom. He got through the pain of cancer the dread of death, because I know that my mom's love for my dad gave him the strength to endure all the pain.

As of now, I may not be as lucky as my dad was, as to have experienced such love in his life here; but I do know that one day I may experience such.

In the end it is love that has the power to defeat death, though not in a physical level, but in a metaphysical one. True Love transcends; that is the very power of love, most especially in the time of death; it has the power to transcend it, it has the power to destroy the dread that death brings, it has the power to give hope, it has the power to make you realize that the spirit carries on.

In a world that tells us that love is not enough, that to be great we have to accomplish so many things; my answer is that realize that in the end, in our own moments of dying, the true measure of all things is how much we have loved, and we find strength in the people who love us...

I know that now, and one day I hope to feel it too…

Sakit...

After receiving the text from Darwin that classes were suspended; I immediately went home and spent almost the entire day sick in bed. Aside from trying to beat the top score in Text Twist (game in my palm Tungsten...) the only way I could possibly keep my mind of the pain was to sleep, I was able to do the latter, but unfortunately I am still trying to do the former.

I was only able to read my assignment for Property around 800, up to 1130. (Either the Advil is working, I am well, or maybe both).

I remember that as a kid, I enjoyed getting sick since it meant that I did not have to go to school, and that I could eat anything I wanted; one of the things I would always request was a take-home order of Kamameshi Chicken Rice,Tofu and Quail eggs; or Ma Mun Lok Mami, Siopao and Siomai. At that time, I was oblivious of the pain that flu brings.

However, right now, I wonder why I ever enjoyed getting sick. In fact, I hate getting sick...

I guess that as kids, we had to face less consequences whenever we would miss a few days due to illness; however as adults, we tend to face heavier consequences that result from sick days.

How I wish I had Wolverine's power...

Well, to be more realistic, I hope that I stay healthy for at least 3 weeks; midterms na...

Aral ka pa...

Words that came from my teacher in Criminal Procedure just this evening, after handing me my my prelim exam with a grade of 73 :(... Yup I failed, and failing sucks bigtime, and this was an exam i thought I would pass, I can only imagine what I would get in the exams I was not too confdent about.

This sucks, I am such a choker, when it comes to things that will really prove my worth, I always bomb big time...

Well, may midterms pa naman...(and finals...)

Wait and see...

I would rather not think about it

For the past two weeks or so, I have been buying 'chicken skin' chicharon from a man who sells them beside Nirvana(Taft corner Buendia). I would have to admit that P10 for each brown bag is quite a steal for what you get... Chicken skin chicharon (read this in a Homer Simpson-like-fashion...)

But, you would have to wonder...Where do they get all those chicken skins which they sell day in day out. This question would probably lead to Urban myths in the likes of the source of Scott Burger patties or Ma Mun Lok siopao...(gawa sa p^$@....kasi bihira kang makakakita ng ganon na gumagala sa paligid ng Scott o Ma Mun Lok)

But you know what, as the title of this post says, I would rather not think about it, masarap kasi eh. Eh ano ngayon kung 'di talaga balat ng manok 'yon.? :P

Family Fun

I just came from my Tito and Tita's Golden wedding anniversary; and it was fun!

It has been quite awhile since the Ledesma clan got together for such an occasion. Like most celebrations, there was an over abundance of food and booze. (I did not take advantage of the latter; I did not want my family to see me drunk, hehe.)

Funny thing though, even if I was not drunk, I somehow ended up at the dance floor, and TRIED to dance. It was a pathetic attempt, considering my mom is an excellent dancer(she might even compete next year!).

How terrible am I at dancing? If you see my mom dance and then watch me attempt to dance, you would probably ask me if I was adopted, actually, remove probably.

A funny thing also happened during the party, Tito Bo (a family-friend) told me that news around Ledesco (company of my Tito Baby) was that I was already a lawyer.

That is added pressure on my part...

Resolution for next Ledesma event(my cousin's wedding next year):

1. I should dance at a more respectable level.

2. Practice my laugh for times people call me "Attorney".

3. Have the same amount of fun... (if not more!)

Ducati Dreams

Once in awhile, I can still picture myself arriving in school riding a Ducati 999, in full-cool-biker- gear. Before parking I would rev the engine a few times, just to announce my presence.

I can still picture myself out-gunning rice-boy drag racers who spent all of their parents' hard earned money tuning their cars. But the one thing I still picture in my head is the intoxicating high that speed brings. Riding on a bike will give me that freedom, because if I crash my bike, there are less chances of hurting anyone; there is a sense of freedom, not having to care for the safety of any passenger with you. Freedom and speed, the beauty inherent in Sportbikes.



Two summers ago, I attempted to ride a Honda....Wave, a scooter. After a few revs i let go of the brakes(while the bike was in full throttle...) As you would expect, I got into an accident. I almost crashed into an electric post without a helmet, luckily I was able to make the bike skid; I walked out of that accident with a few wounds. And I had to pay for the bike.



I wonder whether or not I should still try to fulfill my Ducati dreams; should I consider that accident as a minor setback? Or is it a sign that motorcycles are not for me.



Well, if I do get to buy my Ducati 999 and should crash and....
One thing you can find solace in is that at least I did so doing something that made me feel free.

Animo La Salle!

Ateneo-La Salle today......(But unfortunately I have to attend my classes...grrr)

Animo La Salle!

Uploading lessons

You know what I mean, before going home from school, a few of your friends ask you what you plan to do when you get home, you answer with the standard "Aral pare...".

I doubt that you do so when you get home(speaking from experience).

Hehehe

How I wish we were like computers, all you have to do to study is to upload your lessons with a few clicks....

But for now, I will have to do it the hard way.

Bukas na lang ako aaral sa lib, para aircon...

Lost and Found

I remember that I used to love writing a lot; For me, doing so was an effortless process, but unfortunately, for some reason I quit writing because nothing inspired me anymore.

A friend mind told me that I should just right and right; even in the absence of inspiration. Thanks to that suggestion, I realized that to just write and write, allows you to discover that deep within the very fiber of your being, lies the many reasons that inspire you to write.

There are things such as fears,hopes and dreams. There are stories of loss,sadness,love,friendship,redemption,and happiness. These are but the most basic of human emotions and experiences. These are the very things that probably inspired the greatest of writers.

I know that I have lost the ability to write the way I used to, but little by little, I have begun to once again recognize that the things which should inspire you; are the things that mean a lot to you.